I didn't realize until the past year that it is possible to be happy and lonely at the same time. I always imagined loneliness would look like depression and hurt looks. The thing is, things don't always fit into the boxes we imagine. You can be happy, thankful, and blessed, but still be lonely. The truth is, making grown up friends can be hard. Finding people that can relate to your season is hard. Allowing people to get to know your heart brings a lot of feelings- it's hard, exciting, hopeful and overwhelmingly terrifying at the same time. Connecting with people on a below the surface level can be rough. Not every season is beautiful, but there is beauty to be found in every season.
Sometimes, just like the trees in the winter, all of our leaves fall off and we are left with the bare, vulnerable, uncovered branches that make up who we are. There are moments that sometimes turn into long seasons when the covering that hides us, comforts us, and keeps us feeling secure is stripped off and we are left standing there feeling uncomfortable and lonely.
The thing I'm realizing about this season is that while I am ready for it to end, it's something that needed to happen. Being bare and uncomfortable I am being forced to put myself out there more.
I am learning to stop making excuses for who and how I am. I am learning to stop coming up with reasons why, in my mind, other women hold more value than I do. I am learning to stop telling myself that they wouldn't be friends with me because I wear t-shirts and jeans and they dress so cute. Surely they think I don't care to do more with myself. Or their house is always immaculate and I have paint hand prints on the wall and a sink full of dishes....always. Who wants to be friends with someone they think is a slob?I am certain they wouldn't want to be friends with a woman like me. We are too...different? I have heard these and so many more, but not from other women. It's simply something my mind has over analyzed, taking away the opportunity to see if a friendship could be there, because I have already made that decision for both of us. This season is silencing that inner voice.
This season is turning the faint whispers that softly said, "you are made in the image of God" into booming yells that remind me of my cheerleader days...you know, the ones that are loud and sometimes annoying, but they are cheerful, supportive, encouraging yells that you simply can't continue to ignore.
Being lonely has led me to seek even more of God's face. I'm not just seeking comfort, I'm seeking a friendship that cannot be found in even the best of friends on earth and you know what? He provides.
I am learning how to be patient in waiting periods (even though it's a struggle many days.) I can already assure you the patience thing is going to come in hand in the teenage years that are rapidly approaching.
You know how when you're in the middle of a bitter winter, summer feels so far away? That's how a season of loneliness feels. Let's be honest, that how many seasons feel. You know it's coming, but it feels so far away sometimes. Then, out of the blue the sun peeks through the gray skies and you feel the warm sun shine down. Even if it's only for a second- it may be a verse you read that made you feel like God specifically wrote it to you, for this moment. Or it may be a sweet unexpected conversation, a kind gesture of understanding from another person struggling in the season they are in too, or maybe even just a smile from a stranger. These moments are golden. They are the little bits of love sent to serve as a reminder that this too shall pass, and eventually, all seasons change.
Loneliness is not a hot topic that we all want to talk about, or make posts about. There is something about the word lonely that instantly makes you feel defeated, but as a mom that has been in this season for a while...I wish we could talk about it more. Maybe then it wouldn't feel so foreign. Maybe then, if and when you enter it, it won't feel like your walking around aimlessly in uncharted territory.
You know when you read that post about threenagers and it makes you giggle a little? You get it, but can't fully comprehend its magnitude because you are holding that sweet 3 month old in your arms that doesn't have witty comebacks yet, only sweet gummy smiles. Then, you blink and that precious 3 month old is 3.5 and you're struggling and something makes you remember that post you read way back then. It strikes a happy place in your heart because it reminds you that others have come to this place before you and made it out alive! There is hope for you after all!
We need more of that comfort, understanding and more "sweet friend, I have been there" when it comes to loneliness, friendship hurdles, parenting struggles, depression and other less glamorous topics.
I'm putting this out there to say, if you are in a cold season and you need a little warmth, let's talk about it. Let's mention it and not just lightly, in passing. We don't have to harp on it, but can't we be real with each other? Isn't our mission here is to show love and lead others to God? What better way is there than to embrace other women who are struggling, hurting, lost, or lonely? Then, when we finally enter a warmer season we can rejoice together and celebrate the fact that not only does God give us grace, he sends amazing women to do the same, who have been where we are and made it out just fine.
Let's not just overlook all the struggles and act like if we don't mention it, it isn't there and it never happened. Other women are longing to hear that it happened, because we are longing for someone to relate to. Your struggle doesn't have to be yours alone. We can share the burden.
Couldn't we work on being more transparent with each other? Why stand in a cold, lonely shadow when we can bring warmth and sunshine to someone else? Our struggles have the power to help in this world full of hurt and hopelessness. We can help fill the darkness with rays of light that are full of hope and grace.
God gave us the potential, even in our biggest struggle, to be a game changer for someone else...and you never know, they may do the same for you. That's kingdom work and in case you need a reminder just like I did, it's worth putting yourself out there for. ❤️
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