I have learned over the past few months and
couple of different situations that I struggle with a need for
acceptance from people that should not matter, in that sense. Without
even thinking before I do, I try to conform to whatever it is that
they expect from me. Try to fit in a box of the good friend, the nice
ex, the happy to help stranger. By doing this, I constantly set myself
up for failure. I have never in my life wanted to be perfect...ever.
When I fall short, which I do ALL the time, people who loved me (and I
am using that word very loosely) get mad, ugly or unfriendly and I am
left wondering what I did wrong. I now realize that I am the only person
to blame and I did everything wrong, from the first moment that I
wasn't 100% true to myself. We all know that no one is perfect,
ESPECIALLY me. I am always a day late and a dollar short. The reality
is, no matter how hard I try- I am not going to be able to please
everyone. I am not sure why I ever thought there was a need to anyway
and I am also a little confused as to why any person whether it be a
friend, family member or complete stranger would think that it is OK to
expect someone to be perfect, any time, much less all the time. My
resolution for the upcoming year is to really work on being genuine to
myself and not worrying so much about what anyone thinks about it. There
are so many wonderful people in my life that love me for who I really
am, because they know the real me...the good and the bad and they choose
to love and accept me for it, just like I do them. I know it isn't Jan.
1 yet, and you don't start new years resolutions before Christmas, but I
think any time is a good time for a positive change. I know that this
is the best gift I could possibly give myself and I also know that I
need a huge jump start on it because it is going to be much harder for
me than it sounds.
If you are not willing to accept me for who I am, with all of my imperfections, then lets stop being unrealistic friends...because I just need the real ones.
So, for those of you who are my "friends" and may not really know me....(at no fault of your own)
I am WEIRD (no really) but not in a creepy way. :p
I get really awkward when talking to people I don't know, because while I am not shy- I just never can make the right words come out of my mouth; this is why I write. I really want to make a difference in the world, but I always fall short.
There is never a time that I am not late (except when it comes to work, which I don't do anymore...so, again...never a time...)
No matter how hard I try, I will never be a morning person and my bed will always be my favorite place to be.
My soul wants to wander, but my heart is content.
My point to this is in now way to surface any drama, because there really isn't any- it isn't directed at anyone, or anything like that. Its only purpose is to be a voice, a pledge to myself to hold myself to different standards.
My entire life I have wished for both roots and wings, but only ever felt like I had the roots. I had the desire for the wings, but would never use them because of what someone may think. I want to leave my girls with roots, wings and the ability to use them however they desire. This is my first step.
To all of my friends who join in on my weirdness, accept my super ability to be late to everything without even trying, can laugh with me at my awkwardness in new situations and will sit in pj's with me at 12:00 in the afternoon, because we either haven't been up for long, or are both too lazy to put real clothes on...THANK YOU! Thank you for accepting me for who I am and allowing me to embrace my imperfections. The world needs more of you! <3
If you are not willing to accept me for who I am, with all of my imperfections, then lets stop being unrealistic friends...because I just need the real ones.
So, for those of you who are my "friends" and may not really know me....(at no fault of your own)
I am WEIRD (no really) but not in a creepy way. :p
I get really awkward when talking to people I don't know, because while I am not shy- I just never can make the right words come out of my mouth; this is why I write. I really want to make a difference in the world, but I always fall short.
There is never a time that I am not late (except when it comes to work, which I don't do anymore...so, again...never a time...)
No matter how hard I try, I will never be a morning person and my bed will always be my favorite place to be.
My soul wants to wander, but my heart is content.
My point to this is in now way to surface any drama, because there really isn't any- it isn't directed at anyone, or anything like that. Its only purpose is to be a voice, a pledge to myself to hold myself to different standards.
My entire life I have wished for both roots and wings, but only ever felt like I had the roots. I had the desire for the wings, but would never use them because of what someone may think. I want to leave my girls with roots, wings and the ability to use them however they desire. This is my first step.
To all of my friends who join in on my weirdness, accept my super ability to be late to everything without even trying, can laugh with me at my awkwardness in new situations and will sit in pj's with me at 12:00 in the afternoon, because we either haven't been up for long, or are both too lazy to put real clothes on...THANK YOU! Thank you for accepting me for who I am and allowing me to embrace my imperfections. The world needs more of you! <3
