How do I know you've met her? Because I am her...and well, most of you reading this have met me. Actually, come to think of it- most of us have a little bit of her in us. We start something for us, but something else comes up. The kids need a snack, the hubby needs help, a friend calls- instantly, we put our nails on the back burner because, lets be honest, there are more important things.
Being a Mom you wear many hats. One lesson I have learned becoming a Mom and watching as my close friends have transformed into Moms is that those hats do not usually consist of a "me" hat. It seems to be so hard to put ME first. I understand. If we don't put our family first, our friends first, our house first- who will? Well...who is putting you first?
Let me clarify, I love being a Mom. I think that it is the one thing I do better than anything else. I feel chosen, important, special because I am the mother to my children. It is who I am. Wait? Is it? When did I go from being Ashley, an individual to H, E and Boo's Mom? When did I lose my name? How did I lose my name? Most importantly, how did I not notice I lost it? Does it really matter that I have lost my name? YES! It does. If you are anything like I was, you are wondering why? It's an honor to be "______'s Mom." I am fine with people knowing that my kids are my every waking hour, my heart's beat...my all! What is this woman thinking? Here comes another guilt trip....
No. No guilt trips, because I let a bad case of buried identity control my life for a long time. Why do I call it buried identity? Because when we have kids and a husband that we love, we want them to be happy. We long to give them the best that we can. When something has to be sacrificed, it will never be them. So, what happens? What happens when there are only 24 hours in a day, and we need 25? We fulfill what we need to keep our families going and we put off whatever needed to be done for ME. It can wait until tomorrow. Lying in bed we rattle off our schedule for tomorrow in our minds. 9- doctor for kid x, 12- play date for kid y, 4- dance for kid z, 6- soccer for kid x. Where does that thing that we put off yesterday fit in? Oops, guess it can wait until tomorrow....again...it'll be fine. Do you see where I am going? We bury our wants, our needs and our desires, ending in a horrible case of buried identity. It is still there, it is just way, way down there. Can you get it back? Of course, but you can't be afraid to get your nails dirty. It will take a lot of digging. It will take....time. It is going to take some sacrifice too..only this time, the sacrifice can't be you. Lets be honest, it won't be the end of the world if you take 30 minutes out of the day to work on taking a layer of dirt off of yourself.
You can only go for so long without taking care of you. If you can't take care of yourself, who will be there to take care of the ones you so dearly love?
This may not be you. This may be you, but you're denying it. It may be you, but you are finding every reason, every excuse to convince yourself that this is how it should be until your kids are grown. It may be no one but me...at least today.
I can't wait to see who we uncover....
