I just wanted to take a minute to share a little bit of new found information with you. I have a talent that I had no clue I had. I am an expert eyebrow artist. Ah, not really a talent? Well...at the least, I am adding disaster relief coordinator to my resume. As someone in our family (not mentioning any names) accidentally lost the majority of their eyebrows today, I was unsure of whether to laugh or cry...but I choose to laugh, which was the only thing that kept me from crying, but in turn...I think it pushed them closer to tears. Accidents happen, but...I learned two things from the eyebrow situation: One, I love Allison. She texted me through the situation when all I wanted to do was cry, because I was so embarrassed and sad for this person. She had me rolling with her comments, that were honestly harmless and lighthearted. She also advised me to go pour a drink, and drink it...which was the best advice I have had all day. And two, things are never as bad as they seem.
As Allison sent a text reminding us, it's a darn good thing I am a better eyebrow artist than this chick...
Disaster relived, until the hair grows back anyway, which explains why I am adding
disaster relief coordinator to my resume. I wear many hats, be
jealous...and a little afraid. Just another day in the life....
It was about 6:00 when we pulled into the Raceway for a quick few dollars in gas. Em was going to run in and pay. Normally, Em and Ha would go together, but since Ha was at a friend's for the night, Em wanted to go alone, and I said OK and also gave in to her plea for a snack for her and Boo to share. She was in there for what felt like a long time, but I saw several people go in and I thought there was probably someone buying a money order, or lotto ticket that was taking a while, in front of her. After several minutes, I decided I was going to wake up Boo, take her out of her seat and go check to make sure she hadn't run in to any unexpected trouble, or hurry her on her snack decision. Right as I got to the front of my car, she appeared at the door of the store and walked toward the car. She got in, explained her snack decision and buckled...no big deal.
The pump wasn't set, so I had to go back in and tell the clerk. I watched as he helped the man before me, calm and normal, but once I told him the number of my pump and gave a little refresher, "my daughter just came in..." I got, "yes, yes...um...13.68, she bought a candy and paid the rest for gas." To which I agreed, and explained the pump wasn't set. He said he would fix it and quickly turned away. He went from calm and friendly with the man before me, to skittish and uncomfortable with me.
As we pulled away, I had a weird gut feeling, but I didn't want to speak on it, because what is there to tell a 9 year old about the man that was acting weird...nothing she would understand.
Then, before we even make it out of the parking lot, she begins to talk to me, "Mom, that man behind the counter was strange. He was asking me a bunch of questions and rang up the candy, but didn't mention the gas." He checked out the other people, while still asking her questions. I quickly asked her, what was he asking, thinking, hoping he was just being friendly. "He asked me my name 3 times. He asked me how old I am, what grade I am in, what school do I go to....and if my Mom is outside. I really thought next he was going to ask me where I live." In response, I said, "what would you have answered had he asked you that?" Hoping to hear the answer I needed, proving that I have taught her about sharing too much, but at this point wondering if she has ever heard a word about stranger danger that I have preached. She said, "I was going to walk to the car. I'd never tell him that." Phew bullet dodged, but then, his sudden change in character while I was in the store struck a chord with me. My mind flew to a million different places and suddenly, I felt my stomach sink. Thank God nothing happened to my girl.
As Em and I talked about the situation, I learned that after he checked the others out, she was the only one left in the store for a minute. He called a girl, Heidi, from the back and said her name was Em and she was buying candy and gas. I really think that spooked Em. She is so innocent, so caring and obviously, so oblivious. My heart stopped for a minute thinking of what could have happened in those short 3 or 4 minutes.
Later, as I told B about the situation, he made the choice to call TPD, not to make a report against the man, but to inform them of what had happened, if nothing else, to ease his mind about it. The lady that took down the notes was friendly and agreed that she would feel the same way, if it had been her child and told B she was going to pass it, along with his information (in case they wanted more info) on to the big boss. I think just knowing that someone knew, and agreed that it was an unnerving experience, made it seem a little better.
Thankfully, my daughter wasn't hurt...and I didn't have to go crazy Mom on some gas station clerk. However, this did bring a valuable lesson. We teach our kids about the danger of strangers...you know, the creepy ones, the ones with tattoos, the ones that drive vans with no windows, the ones that linger at the park with no kids....but so often we forget to teach them about the danger of the good looking strangers too, that are supposed to be helpful, like the store clerk, the ice cream man, the postal worker, the trusted coach or teacher....or, sadly, even family members. It is a scary thought, but we will be sitting down, once both big girls are home tomorrow and having a serious talk about boundaries.
I explained to Em that you NEVER have to answer questions from anyone, especially questions that leave you in an uncomfortable situation, or feeling weird in your tummy. Adults can be intimidating. We teach our kids to speak when spoken to, to be polite and not rude, especially to adults....so I think it can be very confusing when they are in a situation like Em was today, when her gut told her to walk away, but everything we have taught her told her to be respectful and not rude.
Phew, what an eye opener. My entire point to this is...we can't put our kids in a bubble. The world is rough and mean and hard to understand and a bit scary, especially from a child's point of view. Where is the line? How do you teach your kids to be respectful, to trust people...at least some people, but not all people....to know the right ones...the right questions to answer, the wrong ones to walk away from, the situations that are harmless and the ones to ignore?
I am definitely going to rethink the way I word things, and work more on making them strong, confident young ladies that know to ALWAYS, ALWAYS, trust their instinct, before they resort to following the rules about respect, etc. It sounds like I am unraveling everything I have taught them, but I pray that I can find the right words to help them understand the fine line that they will face far too often, living in this world.
I pray for these girls every day, several times a day, but goodness...how my prayers are changing as they grow up and enter more and more into this crazy place we call home.
I hope you'll take a few minutes to have a heart to heart with your kiddos about all of the danger there can be, even in the people that we would never expect there to be anything but helpfulness from. You never know, it could save their life.
Tonight, after dinner we all sat around the table talking about potentially fostering, and all that it entails, and the conversation somehow drifted into boys, first loves and heartbreaks. It was interesting, to say the least. I heard some stories from my girls that made me giggle and remembered some stories of my own that helped remind me of how far I have come...in love and life in general. B and I answered all of the pre-teen girly, we obviously know nothing about heartbreak yet, questions that were thrown at us, from first kisses to how it feels when you break up with someone you really care about. It was a lighthearted, funny, lots of giggles conversation. I can't count on one hand how many times Em enthusiastically said, "Oh yeah...I've seen that happen in movies" , which made me laugh a little inside. Movies are the only way they know this kind of heartbreak. It makes me happy to know that they weren't old enough to remember details of the relationship their bio-dad and I had together. While there was a lot of love, at times...there was a lot of other stuff and most definitely a lot of heartbreak. I wouldn't trade a minute of it, because I got two amazing girls from it and more lessons than one wants to learn...about both giving and receiving love.
The girls asked about first boyfriends and I rattled off a list of a few names with memories attached that I still hold dear, whether it be for the friendships, or the lessons learned. We talked about boys who were friends, that I loved...one that I cried for days when he moved, some that just drifted away that I don't really remember there being an end to our friendship. They asked about Dad's girlfriends. I even learned a couple of names I hadn't known before. He told them never to go on a second date with a boy who tries to kiss you on your first date. Leave it to him to throw in some instruction that they'll not likely remember any of when they finally start to date, years from now lol. (And by years...we have given them permission to date when they are 30...we have lightened up. It used to be 35.) I can't remember the last time I reminisced out-load. It was nice...to remember the days. We talked about sweet Ben, who had no fingers on one hand, from an accident when he was young- he was my protector and best friend in daycare, before my Gran started keeping kids. We talked about Shelby, and how Priscilla and we left flowers in his mailbox for him to find...knowing that he knew who put them there, but giggling because we thought that maybe he would have no idea. And how I was devastated when he moved (I couldn't have been older than 8 or 9) and how surprised I was that he visited on occasion when he was in town. He was the first boy that showed me how a guy, even a kid, should treat a girl. Always respectful, helpful and kind. Not to mention a couple of years older than us, so of course he was super cool. To my first boyfriend that I held hands with, to the one that had no interest in me, to the big one...that eventually left me sobbing for days, maybe even weeks- unsure if my life would go on. All the way to B...and our silly little stories about how we talked on the phone for hours, and had lots of fun getting to know each other, even though we knew each other for a while before we dated. Silly things, like me bringing him donuts to the schools we worked at together, but saying that I brought them for everyone, not just him, to him asking me to marry him, in the rain, because he was going to wait, but he has zero patience and knows how much I love the rain.
The girls had little stories to share too, most of which I have heard, but B hadn't. Emma kissing a boy's cheek and making the excuse that there was a spider on his cheek and she didn't want to slap him (oh, this girl lol.) To Halie really liking a boy that befriended her in Missouri, and after he told her she was cute, another girl paying him to "date" her. These girls...they constantly remind me of what it was like to be a young girl. I wish I could tell them to enjoy being a kid, before it is too late.
Oh and you can't forget the silly advice from the girls to each other, like Emma's, "never date a vampire- they don't sleep and he might watch you sleep. You know, if they were real." And when you break up, you get to eat ice cream in bed. :p
Tonight, the little innocent conversation, that meant so much to our girls made me realize how happy I am to have had all of the love, or lack of love experiences to share with them...of course in more detail, when they can really gain something from it. I hope and pray that I am around long enough to cry with them, when the time comes, to laugh at the silliness, and to be on cloud nine alongside them, when they really find "the one." Most of all, I am so, so very grateful that they know that they can trust us, talk to us, laugh and even cry with us.I know, they are still young, but you can't start that kind of relationship when the trouble starts, once they are teens. I am a high and low parent. We have good days, and bad. I have good days and bad. I make good choices and some that I wish I could rewind and redo, as a parent and otherwise, but we are blessed with some amazing girls. I know it is more that, than that we are good parents. Whatever, however, I just hope that we can keep an honest, open door between us as they get older, and it goes from giggles, to the hard stuff.
A lot has happened since I last posted anything here. I have really good intentions, but never seem to be able to follow through...such is life. I love writing...it truly is something I am passionate about, but for some reason it seems so hard to pick up a pen (or in this case, log on to blogger) and pour out my heart. Perhaps it is because I have so much laid on my heart lately that I don't know where to start, or I am afraid of actually seeing all of it spelled out in front of me. I am just at a weird place in life right now. Nothing is bad, but a part of me just feels lost.
I am not going to leave room for assumptions, my marriage is good. I am married to my very best friend, a man that loves God and loves me, so that makes it easy to keep standing strong when other things seem to be a whirlwind of crumbling stone.
My children are wonderful. They are healthy, they are happy, and they are the light in my days.
I think there is just a battle of sorts going on within me. It is really strange how you can genuinely be happy with your life, but still feel a void or chaos ensuing. I am taking this as an answer to my prayers though. I have prayed and prayed for me to be able to get closer to God and work out things that only I can only overcome with him in my every moment and I see that this is the perfect opportunity. Sometimes He doesn't answer our prayers the way we anticipate, but I have learned to roll with it, because his plan is far greater than mine. I made a conscious choice several years ago, to see the beauty in the storm and to choose joy over and over again...this is just another lesson in perfecting that, to me.
So, a couple of days ago I deactivated my FB account on a whim, and I am making a choice to simplify my life for a while so that I can take the moments that I would normally be reading about the lives of people I love, and many that I used to know, to strengthen my relationship with God and spend more time in the word and with myself. This is a chance for me to re-learn/be reminded of some things about myself and Him and his unfailing love, that I seem to have forgotten.
This has been my sort of theme song lately. I am just really feeling a need and desire to seek His presence and that is something that I want to listen to. I know that finding him is the only way to find myself.
It is also hitting me lately how quickly my girls are growing. I want to use this as an opportunity to spend more time reading with them, playing outside, tending to the ouchies, taking all of the sweet hugs and kisses I can get, and just loving on them...before they have more important things to do that hang out with Mom.
I am really excited for this little journey I am starting. I think sometimes we all need a little self discovery. I am going to become more diligent about blogging, for the simple fact that I would like something to look back on...and, of course, my original intention for starting this blog in the first place- I want my girls to have a tiny piece of me when I am gone, and writing is the only way that I know to do that. <3
I have struggled with the choice of whether or not to HS for a couple of years now. I prayed constantly for B and I to just see what we were supposed to do, because all I wanted was the best for our kids. It had nothing to do with anything else...I only wanted the best for our kids. Seeing everyone post about how beaten up their children are over STAAR, and reading numerous posts about opting out that lead to huge debates...I realize that my kids have spent the week being carefree. This week has not been about preparing, pushing, or struggling. It has been about going to the library to see what we can find about the Renaissance to study because they WANT to learn. It has been about finding books for my kid that "will never read well enough" and her gleaming over the fact that she read a 300 page book, by herself. Our mornings are not spent rushing to our stop, they are spent outside on the porch, eating their breakfast, running around the yard, using their imaginations and building relationships with their sisters that will last a lifetime. Our days, every day are about finding who and where they want to be and what makes them happy. Of course, they do math and several other things, whether or not they like it, but they genuinely have a say in their education and they have grown from just learners to interested thinkers. I am not saying I deserve credit for that, but I am saying that I know now, with all of my heart that we made the right decision for us. Don't get me wrong- I am not knocking public school (testing a little, but def. not PS) I don't think homeschooling is for everyone, but I am so grateful that it is for us!
Ironically, Halie was reading a book and part she read today was talking about how her teacher transforms from their usual sweet teacher, to a "maximum security prison guard." She came to me and said, "Mom...I am so glad I don't have the stress from STAAR anymore." I often find myself thanking God for giving us the ability and the strength to make a decision to go against the grain and follow the road less traveled.
