The pump wasn't set, so I had to go back in and tell the clerk. I watched as he helped the man before me, calm and normal, but once I told him the number of my pump and gave a little refresher, "my daughter just came in..." I got, "yes, yes...um...13.68, she bought a candy and paid the rest for gas." To which I agreed, and explained the pump wasn't set. He said he would fix it and quickly turned away. He went from calm and friendly with the man before me, to skittish and uncomfortable with me.
As we pulled away, I had a weird gut feeling, but I didn't want to speak on it, because what is there to tell a 9 year old about the man that was acting weird...nothing she would understand.
Then, before we even make it out of the parking lot, she begins to talk to me, "Mom, that man behind the counter was strange. He was asking me a bunch of questions and rang up the candy, but didn't mention the gas." He checked out the other people, while still asking her questions. I quickly asked her, what was he asking, thinking, hoping he was just being friendly. "He asked me my name 3 times. He asked me how old I am, what grade I am in, what school do I go to....and if my Mom is outside. I really thought next he was going to ask me where I live." In response, I said, "what would you have answered had he asked you that?" Hoping to hear the answer I needed, proving that I have taught her about sharing too much, but at this point wondering if she has ever heard a word about stranger danger that I have preached. She said, "I was going to walk to the car. I'd never tell him that." Phew bullet dodged, but then, his sudden change in character while I was in the store struck a chord with me. My mind flew to a million different places and suddenly, I felt my stomach sink. Thank God nothing happened to my girl.
As Em and I talked about the situation, I learned that after he checked the others out, she was the only one left in the store for a minute. He called a girl, Heidi, from the back and said her name was Em and she was buying candy and gas. I really think that spooked Em. She is so innocent, so caring and obviously, so oblivious. My heart stopped for a minute thinking of what could have happened in those short 3 or 4 minutes.
Later, as I told B about the situation, he made the choice to call TPD, not to make a report against the man, but to inform them of what had happened, if nothing else, to ease his mind about it. The lady that took down the notes was friendly and agreed that she would feel the same way, if it had been her child and told B she was going to pass it, along with his information (in case they wanted more info) on to the big boss. I think just knowing that someone knew, and agreed that it was an unnerving experience, made it seem a little better.
Thankfully, my daughter wasn't hurt...and I didn't have to go crazy Mom on some gas station clerk. However, this did bring a valuable lesson. We teach our kids about the danger of strangers...you know, the creepy ones, the ones with tattoos, the ones that drive vans with no windows, the ones that linger at the park with no kids....but so often we forget to teach them about the danger of the good looking strangers too, that are supposed to be helpful, like the store clerk, the ice cream man, the postal worker, the trusted coach or teacher....or, sadly, even family members. It is a scary thought, but we will be sitting down, once both big girls are home tomorrow and having a serious talk about boundaries.
I explained to Em that you NEVER have to answer questions from anyone, especially questions that leave you in an uncomfortable situation, or feeling weird in your tummy. Adults can be intimidating. We teach our kids to speak when spoken to, to be polite and not rude, especially to adults....so I think it can be very confusing when they are in a situation like Em was today, when her gut told her to walk away, but everything we have taught her told her to be respectful and not rude.
Phew, what an eye opener. My entire point to this is...we can't put our kids in a bubble. The world is rough and mean and hard to understand and a bit scary, especially from a child's point of view. Where is the line? How do you teach your kids to be respectful, to trust people...at least some people, but not all people....to know the right ones...the right questions to answer, the wrong ones to walk away from, the situations that are harmless and the ones to ignore?
I am definitely going to rethink the way I word things, and work more on making them strong, confident young ladies that know to ALWAYS, ALWAYS, trust their instinct, before they resort to following the rules about respect, etc. It sounds like I am unraveling everything I have taught them, but I pray that I can find the right words to help them understand the fine line that they will face far too often, living in this world.
I pray for these girls every day, several times a day, but goodness...how my prayers are changing as they grow up and enter more and more into this crazy place we call home.
I hope you'll take a few minutes to have a heart to heart with your kiddos about all of the danger there can be, even in the people that we would never expect there to be anything but helpfulness from. You never know, it could save their life.
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