The love lists...

Tonight, after dinner we all sat around the table talking about potentially fostering, and all that it entails, and the conversation somehow drifted into boys, first loves and heartbreaks. It was interesting, to say the least. I heard some stories from my girls that made me giggle and remembered some stories of my own that helped remind me of how far I have come...in love and life in general. B and I answered all of the pre-teen girly, we obviously know nothing about heartbreak yet, questions that were thrown at us, from first kisses to how it feels when you break up with someone you really care about. It was a lighthearted, funny, lots of giggles conversation. I can't count on one hand how many times Em enthusiastically said, "Oh yeah...I've seen that happen in movies" , which made me laugh a little inside. Movies are the only way they know this kind of heartbreak. It makes me happy to know that they weren't old enough to remember details of the relationship their bio-dad and I had together. While there was a lot of love, at times...there was a lot of other stuff and most definitely a lot of heartbreak.  I wouldn't trade a minute of it, because I got two amazing girls from it and more lessons than one wants to learn...about both giving and receiving love.

The girls asked about first boyfriends and I rattled off a list of a few names with memories attached that I still hold dear, whether it be for the friendships, or the lessons learned. We talked about boys who were friends, that I loved...one that I cried for days when he moved, some that just drifted away that I don't really remember there being an end to our friendship. They asked about Dad's girlfriends. I even learned a couple of names I hadn't known before. He told them never to go on a second date with a boy who tries to kiss you on your first date. Leave it to him to throw in some instruction that they'll not likely remember any of when they finally start to date, years from now lol. (And by years...we have given them permission to date when they are 30...we have lightened up. It used to be 35.)
I can't remember the last time I reminisced out-load. It was nice...to remember the days. We talked about sweet Ben, who had no fingers on one hand, from an accident when he was young- he was my protector and best friend in daycare, before my Gran started keeping kids.  We talked about Shelby, and how Priscilla and we left flowers in his mailbox for him to find...knowing that he knew who put them there, but giggling because we thought that maybe he would have no idea. And how I was devastated when he moved (I couldn't have been older than 8 or 9) and how surprised I was that he visited on occasion when he was in town. He was the first boy that showed me how a guy, even a kid, should treat a girl. Always respectful, helpful and kind. Not to mention a couple of years older than us, so of course he was super cool. To my first boyfriend that I held hands with, to the one that had no interest in me, to the big one...that eventually left me sobbing for days, maybe even weeks- unsure if my life would go on. All the way to B...and our silly little stories about how we talked on the phone for hours, and had lots of fun getting to know each other, even though we knew each other for a while before we dated. Silly things, like me bringing him donuts to the schools we worked at together, but saying that I brought them for everyone, not just him, to him asking me to marry him, in the rain, because he was going to wait, but he has zero patience and knows how much I love the rain.

The girls had little stories to share too, most of which I have heard,  but B hadn't. Emma kissing a boy's cheek and making the excuse that there was a spider on his cheek and she didn't want to slap him (oh, this girl lol.) To Halie really liking a  boy that befriended her in Missouri, and after he told her she was cute, another girl paying him to "date" her. These girls...they constantly remind me of what it was like to be a young girl. I wish I could tell them to enjoy being a kid, before it is too late.

Oh and you can't forget the silly advice from the girls to each other, like Emma's, "never date a vampire- they don't sleep and he might watch you sleep. You know, if they were real." And when you break up, you get to eat ice cream in bed. :p

Tonight, the little innocent conversation, that meant so much to our girls made me realize how happy I am to have had all of the love, or lack of love experiences to share with them...of course in more detail, when they can really gain something from it. I hope and pray that I am around long enough to cry with them, when the time comes, to laugh at the silliness, and to be on cloud nine alongside them, when they really find "the one." Most of all, I am so, so very grateful that they know that they can trust us, talk to us, laugh and even cry with us.I know, they are still young, but you can't start that kind of relationship when the trouble starts, once they are teens. I am a high and low parent. We have good days, and bad. I have good days and bad. I make good choices and some that I wish I could rewind and redo, as a parent and otherwise, but we are blessed with some amazing girls. I know it is more that, than that we are good parents. Whatever, however, I just hope that we can keep an honest, open door between us as they get older, and it goes from giggles, to the hard stuff.

These are the moments I live for.