Finding Grace...

A lot  has happened since I last posted anything here. I have really good intentions, but never seem to be able to follow through...such is life. I love writing...it truly is something I am passionate about, but for some reason it seems so hard to pick up a pen (or in this case, log on to blogger) and pour out my heart. Perhaps it is because I have so much laid on my heart lately that I don't know where to start, or I am afraid of actually seeing all of it spelled out in front of me. I am just at a weird place in life right now. Nothing is bad, but a part of me just feels lost.

I am not going to leave room for assumptions, my marriage is good. I am married to my very best friend, a man that loves God and loves me, so that makes it easy to keep standing strong when other things seem to be a whirlwind of crumbling stone.

My children are wonderful. They are healthy, they are happy, and they are the light in my days.

I think there is just a battle of sorts going on within me. It is really strange how you can genuinely be happy with your life, but still feel a void or chaos ensuing. I am taking this as an answer to my prayers though. I have prayed and prayed for me to be able to get closer to God and work out things that only I can only overcome with him in my every moment and I see that this is the perfect opportunity. Sometimes He doesn't answer our prayers the way we anticipate, but I have learned to roll with it, because his plan is far greater than mine. I made a conscious choice several years ago, to see the beauty in the storm and to choose joy over and over again...this is just another lesson in perfecting that, to me.

So, a couple of days ago I  deactivated my FB account on a whim, and I am making a choice to simplify my life for a while so that I can take the moments that I would normally be reading about the lives of people I love, and many that I used to know, to strengthen my relationship with God and spend more time in the word and with myself. This is a chance for me to re-learn/be reminded of some things about myself and Him and his unfailing love, that I seem to have forgotten.

This has been my sort of theme song lately. I am just really feeling a need and desire to seek His presence and that is something that I want to listen to. I know that finding him is the only way to find myself.

It is also hitting me lately how quickly my girls are growing. I want to use this as an opportunity to spend more time reading with them, playing outside, tending to the ouchies, taking all of the sweet hugs and kisses I can get, and just loving on them...before they have more important things to do that hang out with Mom.

I am really excited for this little journey I am starting. I think sometimes we all need a little self discovery. I am going to become more diligent about blogging, for the simple fact that I would like something to look back on...and, of course, my original intention for starting this blog in the first place- I want my girls to have a tiny piece of me when I am gone, and writing is the only way that I know to do that. <3