A friend and I had a great conversation a while back and she referred to it as, the disease to please. I could not describe it any more perfectly. Through our conversation I realized that I want to make people happy and tend to set an unrealistic bar, that I cannot attain. Then, when I fail at keeping it up- I not only let myself down, but they are also struck with a new kind of friend...which is not 100% agreeable, 100% I will drop anything I am doing to work on your problem....simply not 100%. But lets be honest...who can always be 100%? Most definitely not me...or I wouldn't need friends in the first place.
I love my friends. All of them, but I have found that many people that I thought I had great friendships with will label me, judge me and intentionally hurt me the minute I no longer aim to please and fit their mold. I have lost several friends lately because things happened in my life, the same time as theirs and I wasn't there enough. I am human. I fail. I cannot, will not, refuse to try anymore to be a friend to perfection. Being in a relationship with anyone, friendship or otherwise is accepting someone, along with their imperfections. I have a lot of imperfections. It hurts to think of what you thought were healthy friendships ending because they didn't take a moment to ask if you were OK...or ask why you haven't been around much, but they called it quits because you weren't in their face about their trials and hard times. We are all fighting something, facing something and feeling overwhelmed at some time. We just don't all show it the same ways. I had one person say, "well, you never posted anything about that on FB." People, come on!!! Not every bit of information is meant for the internet.
This is something I have really been struggling with. I have put too much effort into trying to figure out what I did wrong, or when I should have done differently. I understand. However, what I failed to consider is they only made assumptions about why I wasn't there when they felt I should have been. Or, whatever the situation may have been. None of my "friends" that have turned their back to me because I failed to be the perfect friend have ever called, sent a text, or taken a single moment to ask about me and mine- and what's been going on...if they had, they would have known that I was not just being inconsiderate, or failing to be thoughtful. They would know that whatever situation they were in, whether I talked to them daily or not- they were in my prayers every night....and in my thoughts so much more than that.
Why am I so hard on myself because a "friend" got upset and stopped talking to me, when they were not being a friend to me either...or they wouldn't have been so quick to judge and would have just asked...hey, what's up? Why you being all distant lately? I mean....who is the one really missing out when they throw their hands up in the air and say I'm done? It has taken me a long time to understand.
If you find that in your friendships, you search for a moment to catch your friends doing you wrong...not being able to be attentive enough, or being the friend you think they should be, there is a big chance that you are wasting too much time trying to make them something they are not and you are missing the good in them. So, while you waste so much time overlooking the good, to search for the moment there is bad....take a minute to think about what kind of friend that makes you. No one is perfect. You can love, without being in your face (some people, like me...are just weird like that.) Instead of looking for the negative, try focusing on all of the positive. They may not fit your mold, but you may be missing out on a great love from someone, simply because you wanted them to be selfless, when you were not even able to be.Mind boggling to me how we, as humans expect the ones we love to love so much better than we do.
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