I want to scream, but have to remind myself to breathe

Ever have those days that you want to scream at the top of your lungs, but you couldn't if you tried because you feel like you're already having to remind yourself to breathe? That is my day, today. Halie woke up with a little tummy ache and it set her mood sour for the rest of our day. She was in tears over math and spent almost 2 hours on something that should have take 30 minutes. This is my kid that goes above and beyond in math. I hope it's just an off day.

Emma was feeding off Halie's mood and was in tears when I told her she HAS TO TRY! Just make an effort. She was watching how Halie was reacting to things and I guess she thought, hey...this may be  a chance to stall. Any time Emma is in tears, I usually break down- so imagine both girls in tears. :( Yep, it's been a Kleenex kind of day.

Most of our days are good. I understand that everyone will have bad days. We had bad days when they were in school, we have bad days with them at home. Some things are just inevitable.

I love that they are here and I feel like they are doing great, but I can't help but wonder if I am too stretched on days like today. I was never the Mom to just break down easily, or walk away. I am so stressed that I feel like there is no way I can properly be giving them the positive influence that they need.
I know that the only answer to this is to shape up. To get out of the slump that I am in and to do the best that I can.

It doesn't help that MOST of the Moms that I know are on a similar journey ONLY post/say positive things. They make things look so easy. They take pictures with their hair and makeup done, ironed clothes free from stains from feeding the little one lunch. I do good to get a shower these days. THEN, they continue to post the beautiful all organic meals that they have prepared for lunch AND DINNER(that is ironically ready just as their husbands walk through the door.) I feel like OMGoodness! Can we say overwhelmed!?! I did good to slop that PB & J on their almost hard bread for lunch. WHAT AM I MISSING? Seriously, lets be real....every day cannot be that good. There have to be days that aren't smooth and easy. Why? Because life is not always smooth and easy. Many days I wonder what I am doing wrong. I don't fit in with these women...because of abc. I don't fit in with this group because of xyz.

If you are out there....and a lost and in between, like me. Just remember:

 

Tomorrow is a new day!